“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
~Rajneesh
Today is Mia’s birthday. As a teacher for 20 years I have mothered many, but Mia was my double miracle - born on my mother’s birthday as she was.
My mother passed when I was 3. She was 29 years young, faded forever just 2 days before her 30th birthday. Some days I find myself reaching for her when I’m unsure what to do as a mother, but then I look at Mia or other mothers assembled with their daughters and do my best to figure it out. I realize the gift that has been given to me: I am a mother, and I have a daughter to parent the way I think it should be done; to bond the way I wish it could have been for me during the purgatory of my childhood.
I check myself often for fear I will over-compensate. Mia is always chirping with her wee-girl words of wisdom like, “Oh there’s a butterfly, is it your mommy coming to say hello?”
Some days she cups my face in her tiny hands and whispers, “You’re sad today, aren’t you Mommy? Do you miss your Mommy?” (uncanny, she has been doing this since she was two.)
“Yes Mia, I do.”
“Oh Mamasita,” she says, “it’s okay.”
And she’s always right.
It’s okay to feel a loss, and it’s okay if some days there isn’t enough chocolate cake to stitch the gaping wound inside my soul. When I stare into Mia’s eyes and she connects her mind to mine, a voice inside speaks in a hush, and tells me everything will be alright.
Today is a celebration of 2 lives: my mother and my daughter.
I filled our porch with pretty flowers to plant for Mia’s birthday. Our little entomologist wanna be is the first to say that without flowers there are no butterflies. She told me she hoped the birthday fairy would bring her some flowers so she could garden. This weekend we will till the earth, plant lots of flowers, and eat an awful lot of chocolate cake.
Butterflies are free, and so are we. My Mia made me a mother and a far better person. The gift is in the moment and happiness is right beneath my nose; there with a little girl growing larger, still regularly placing gentle butterfly kisses upon my cheek.
Happy birthday Mia. Happy birthday Mom.
Mia tells me when I look in the mirror I am looking at her.
I like what I see.
Daisy
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Daisy-
What an incredibly beautiful and amazing post. My daughter just celebrated her 11th birthday. I am so proud to be a mother -what a blessed job we have. Thank you for the reminder of how precious time is! Your mother would be so proud!
Angela Maiers´s last blog post..Where Do Ideas Come From?
That was beautiful. And happy birthday to your mother and daughter.
I feel complete as a father. Having a son has, in its strange way, given me a window to the past, and only by identifying with that past and pressing on into the future do I feel complete. And my son keeps me ever in the present.
Ryan´s last blog post..The Road Goes Ever On
Lovely, Mizz Daisy.
I have a photograph of my Mum passing a butterfly to the Evil Genius, from her finger to his. For many reasons, it is one of my favourites.
Daughters carry their mothers with them, known or not. Mitochondrial DNA passes only from mother to child - males can’t pass it on, only females. Your mother is in you, and you are both in your daughter, who will carry you with her into her own beautiful future. Awesome, isn’t it?
Happy birthday Mia!
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Kyddryn´s last blog post..Oooh, Ahhhh, Ouch!
“Mia tells me when I look in the mirror I am looking at her.
I like what I see.”
Your daughter’s insight is amazing. My dad lost his mom when she was 29 also and when he was 29, I was the same age he was when she died. He would often talk about how he’d watch me growing and wonder what his mom would think and how would he be a different parent if she hadn’t moved on. He also talked about butterflies being messengers of friends and family that aren’t with us any more.
I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but your beautiful post really touched me and it felt like you were sharing it just for me. I think you have a beautiful relationship with your daughter who has a beautiful “old spirit” and you’re blessed to have each other (and Max and Writer Dad). Enjoy planting those flowers and the butterflies that will soon be visiting. And eat lots and lots of chocolate cake!
Kool Aid´s last blog post..What is a friend?
What a beautiful story. Butterflies always remind me of Mia. Gus and I were reading a book the other day and he pointed to the butterfly and said, “‘Mia’ likes butterflies. She liked my costume.” Please give her a birthday hug from us and enjoy planting those flowers.
Angela: Thank you for the kind thoughts. Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever truly loved. We are fortunate to feel the power of such greatness and passion. I really enjoy your work. You are an inspiration.
Ryan: I agree. Parenthood has completed me as a person. It’s rounded out the edges and the full circle of life becomes more evident as well as the precedents and priorities. Your son is fortunate to have your tenacious spirit to do it right.
Kiddryn: My favorite gal. You always have the wisest words at the right time and you worked in the word mitochondrial. You have embedded a thought that will keep me going forever. Thank you for sharing your magnificence and pictures.
Kool-Aid: Thank you for the encouragement. The words came from my heart and I am grateful for our connection through a meaningful post. I felt a lot of energy pouring from my soul as the words spilled on the page. Your comments made my day and my mission was accomplished. Looks like we owe it to our ancestors to live each day to the fullest and to not waste today for once the sun sets we have to wait until tomorrow to make it better than today.
Karen: Thank you for reading. Yes, butterflies were such an important part of preschool and Mia and Max’s life with your children and all the clients. We always talked about the process of change. Sometimes we have to rest in our cocoons until it is time to emerge into something beautiful. Once you know the secret you will not make the mistake of climbing the pillars of caterpillars to find nothing, but more pillars of people climbing on top of each other and for what? Just a lot of empty space and nothingness…. the butterflies are the ones that are free. If we take the time to build our cocoon, we will all morph and come out alive and free. Your sweet boy was the most exuberant in the garden with Mia. They would spend the whole day searching and catching the flying fairies if time allowed them. Butterflies are forever.
Your Mia sounds enchanting. By the way, is it pronounced Mee-a or My-a?
It’s so amazing how children can see into those hidden parts of your soul, then yank them out into the sunlight. It’s excruciating when those hidden parts see daylight for the first time, but then the warmth feels so good after a while. My son insists that my mother is up in heaven catching all the stray helium balloons that were lost. When I finally see her again, she will present me with a huge bouquet.
I love your posts. Both you and Writer Dad have such a beautiful way of capturing common human experiences. You have brought tears to my eyes too many times to count now. Good luck with all your writing endeavors.
Randi´s last blog post..What’s Special About Today?
Ahh! I adore how intuitive ‘Mia’ is. Her deep little eyes are certainly a special gift to all that are fortunate enough to be looked upon from them. I’ll NEVER forget the day I witness a butterfly actually land on her little finger as if she was mother nature. I think she is a little wood fairy princess. I hope she has a wonderful birthday, and Jackson asked me to tell her Happy Birthday. He wants to know if she is still bigger than him, and when asked about his friends, he consistantly says…MY best friend is “Mia’.
I want to wish YOU a Happy Birth Day too! AMAZING Job Mama!
Namaste’
Sweet Teena: You painted the picture of the butterfly landing on her finger so well. We shared many free and natural gifts during preschool. Looking forward to more.
Daisy
Randi: It is mee-uh. Sharing parenting anecdotes is a powerful tool. Jerimiah is fortunate to have someone so loving and willing to see problems as challenges waiting for solutions. He sounds like such a gem and the wisdom…helium balloons… beautiful thinking right?
Daisy